The Difficult Decision to Divorce


by Brian R. Haskell

Deciding to end a marriage is perhaps the most difficult and emotionally fraught decision of your life.  Those contemplating divorce frequently experience anger, bitterness, disappointment, sadness, feelings of guilt and inadequacy, and hopelessness.

These feelings are normal and common. When feeling this way, it is best to take a step back and consider whether divorce is the only option.

Before filing for divorce, consider whether acknowledgement of personal responsibility, genuine regret and apology, and a willingness to do the necessary work might lead to reconciliation and even a stronger and deeper relationship.

If such reconciliation is not possible, you may wish to consider a mediated divorce settlement. In addition to saving a lot of money, a mediated settlement frequently leads to a stronger and more cordial post-divorce relationship.

When the anger, hostility, and some feelings of vindictiveness and revenge subside, you may wish to have a civil relationship with your former spouse. This is particularly important where children are involved.

For the rest of your life, you will deal with birthdays, holidays, teacher conferences, awards ceremonies, performances, sporting events, proms, graduations, weddings, funerals, and numerous other life events.  If you are able to deal with your former spouse with mutual respect and cordiality, your life will be immeasurably easier.

It may seem impossible now, but the intensity of your emotions will subside. Forgiveness will become possible, and even a type of friendship can emerge.

A serious impediment to the creation of a future relationship with your ex could be a “scorched earth” battle in court. Such fights tend to solidify the intensity of negative emotions and hinder the formation of a cooperative future relationship.

Mediation affords you the opportunity to craft a settlement that meets your respective needs without dragging each other through a long, expensive, divisive, and hostile process. The process of creating a mutually acceptable agreement can be the beginning of a future with much less anger and difficulty. 

Next Chapter Mediators is here for you during this process. Contact us for a free consultation so we can start creating a better future for you.

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